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Joke of the Day

"Don't get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid."

"[Snail Court] Snail Lawyer: Permission to approach the bench, Your Honor? Snail Judge: I'm sorry; we don't have that kind of time."

"Congratulations to Amy Winehouse... ...on six months of sobriety."

"I was so happy it only took me seven days to complete this puzzle! The box said it would take 2-4 years."

"What do you call a dead baby floating in the middle of the ocean? Bait."

"What size bed comfortably fits a married couple? Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch."

"If a man says something in the middle of a forest and there is no women around to hear him is he still wrong?"

"A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button... ... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi."

"If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up."

"Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans."