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Joke of the Day

"[wife looking at sketch of donut burglar on the news] ""he looks like you"" [me holding huge glass of milk on way to basement] it's not though"

"Did you hear that David Copperfield has aids now? Yea, he was doing Magic."

"Him: Your beautiful.... Me: My beautiful what? My beautiful WHAT?!!"

"We all know that light travels faster than sound. That's why certain people appear bright until you hear them speak."

"I don't throw snowballs because I believe snowman life begins at snowball conception."

"Girls who use tanning beds either have no concept of what they actually look like or have advanced fantasies about being a waffle."

"What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off"

"Did you hear about that guy who had the entire left half of his body chopped off? He's dead now."

"So Hitler was helping Anne Frank with her homework. She was having alot of trouble with it, so Hitler said ""It's ok Anne, you just need more concentration!"""

"I went to an NBA game and there was a female referee She only made 75% of the calls that the male referees made."