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Joke of the Day

"My favorite pirate joke (no arrr) Say it out loud. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? I'm 80!"

"Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those fuckers live forever."

"When the hostess at the restaurant says ""table for two?"", I always like to look surprised and whisper ""you can see her too?""."

"Now that I've removed my windshield wipers I shouldn't be getting anymore parking tickets."

"The secret to making a truly tasty vegan burger is to use beef."

"A man with amnesia starts a joke..."

"Why did Susie fall of the swing set? Because she had no arms."

"Doctor asks a patient... Do you use drugs or alcohol? Patient: Nope, but I vape. Doctor: So a no for sexual activity?"

"People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society."

"two flies, eating dinner So two flies are eating a piece of shit. The first fly farts. The second fly looks over, disgusted, and says ""ummm...excuse me...I'm eating here...""."