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Joke of the Day

"My favorite pirate joke (no arrr) Say it out loud. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? I'm 80!"

"i remember most of the fatalities from mortal kombat 2 but i can never remember which knob turns on my windshield wipers"

"ok so, imagine star wars but instead of space it's brooklyn n uh instead of cool space guys, it's lena dunham complaining about stuff"

"[Blue whale documentary] This monster can eat 40 million fish in a day. Whale looking directly into the camera: Yeah I'm kind of a foodie."

"Friends are a lot like snowmen... They tend to go away when you piss on them."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a six offender."

"Shouting ""put your hands in the air like you just don't care!"" is a fun way to bring a party atmosphere to a bank robbery."

"- Fred, Velma, Shaggy... Can you name one of the 'Big 5' African animals? - Rhino - We know you do, Scooby, but it's not your team's turn"

"Has anyone else's world ended yet? Mayan hasn't."

"So, I went out and had a few drinks.. I decided to take a bus home. So this morning I awoke and I don't know what to do with the bus parked in my driveway."