200313

Joke of the Day

"""What an awesome body-"" Oh... thanks. I work out- ""- of research."" - formulas. I work out formulas. *sips tea* I do a lot of math."

"So I was feeling really depressed due to the attack in Paris... I phoned the Islamic Samaritans. When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane."

"Guy jogging pushing stroller for two kids. But only one there. Don't think he knows he lost one."

"If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot."

"Yo mama is so fat that when she fell in love She broke it."

"Granny Smith must have been a shitty person because her apples suck."

"Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist that experimented with cadavers. His name was Frank"

"Girl, you're like a supermassive black hole... ...because you're incredibly dense, nothing is more attactive than you, and once you suck me in there's no going back."

"The awesome moment when you're telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you"

"There's nothing common... about Tutankhamun."