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Joke of the Day

"I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come... Then there was awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

Next Joke
 
"What did the French philosopher say to the vegetable playing poker? All in, du thyme"
"*Gandalf rollerblades into the club* ""YO DJ PLAY SOME DIRTY DUBSTE-- *slips on a drink & lands flat on face* ""SCRAP THAT CALL AN AMBULANCE"
"""I have a coupon for a large 2 topping"" ""What toppings?"" ""Pepperoni & a small cheese pizza"" ""Sir you can't top a pizza with a smaller pizza"""
"Why were 9/11 victims the fastest readers? They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds."
"A feminist once asked me, ""What's your view on lesbians?"" I said ""1080p"""
"Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy."
"The Hurricane came through here like a tornado -Lady on the News just now I don't want to live on this planet anymore"
"What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patty's day? On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish."
"Did you hear about what happened with the elk? It was really amoosing."