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Joke of the Day

"*Gandalf rollerblades into the club* ""YO DJ PLAY SOME DIRTY DUBSTE-- *slips on a drink & lands flat on face* ""SCRAP THAT CALL AN AMBULANCE"

"I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200."

"New years- the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early"

"My friend asked me if I wanted to skip class. I said ""nah, I think I'll pass."""

"A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it."

"I'm in the hospital with meningitis, so here's a joke on the back of my tiny $10.00 juice box : what kind of shoes are made from bananas? Slippers."

"Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend."

"I wish I could remember how the hell I ignored people before I owned a cell phone."

"What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky I'll show myself out."

"My roadside emergency kit is a black wig, a disco ball and a bottle of vodka. Might as well have fun while I wait to be murdered."