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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone."

"I'm still upset they never let me bunt in tball."

"Why does Bernie Sanders use Snapchat? Damn E-mails!"

"Whats long brown and sticky? A stick"

"I lost 50 pounds by having my wallet stolen in London AND YOU CAN TOO"

"me: ""why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?"" therapist: ""i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith"""

"What do you call an asshole horse rider? A Jerk-ey."

"Confuse your least favorite person at work by moving in slow motion when they're the only person watching you"

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm a bridge What's come over you? Oh two cars a large truck and a coach."

"Avoiding eye contact with co-workers is for rookies. Make eye contact and don't say anything as you pass"