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Joke of the Day

"The older I get, the more my feet hurt. I guess it's true... time wounds all heels."

"""holy crap....um guys?!"" - the first caterpillar to wake up out of a cocoon"

"What does Facebook and a conversation between two teenagers have in common? A lot of likes"

"You can tell a lot about a person based on how long it takes them to find the gun emoji."

"*wakes up in hospital* What happened? ""It was a heart attack"" Will I be ok? *a big heart outside slowly taps on window with a bat* ""No"""

"What is the opposite of pro? Con. What is the opposite of progress? Congress."

"BAGPIPE VS. ONION Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe."

"TIL that Harriet Tubman sought a monthly pension of $25 a month for services in the civil war ,but was only awarded $20. 100+ years later we're still only giving her a $20."

"Oscar Pistorius wants to install a new bathroom door... but his girlfriend is dead against it"

"Why do girls generally go to the bathroom in groups? 'Cause they're a bunch of pussies."