86475

Joke of the Day

"Me: ""you hang up"" Her: ""no you hang up"" Me: ""no you hang up"" Her: ""no y-"" Jail clerk: ""sir, you only get one phone call."""

"What do you call an unwanted sext? A molext."

"Hope you guys like this, it's been a tough day. I bought a pair of sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. :("

"Give a man a subtweet and he'll be like ""is this about me?"" Teach a man to subtweet you'll be like ""is that about me?"""

"I was going to dress up as a turn signal for Halloween But no one around here knows what the hell that is!"

"So there were these two sisters.. a blonde and a brunette. The brunette goes to her sister and says ""I just fucked a brazilian!"" The blonde replies ""You slut! How many more is that than a million?"""

"What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? (x-post from /r/3amjokes) [It's pasture bedtime!](http://www.reddit.com/r/3amjokes/comments/1y8d67/what_did_the_mama_cow_say_to_the_baby_cow/)"

"I almost banged my wife in the ass last night.. Coworker: Well, what happened? Me: She woke up!"

"I chose a cell phone carrier for my mom based on high percentages of dropped calls."

"Did you hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine? Now he's fully recovered."