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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a banana and a helicopter? You can helicopter your banana but you can't banana your helicopter"

"Why didn't the parrot want the black guy to buy him? Polly want a Cracker."

"me: can i have a coke waiter: is Pepsi ok? me: ya pepsi's fine pepsi: i have a boyfriend"

"My fine art and fragrances business has failed. The perfumes sold well, but I didn't really know how to market the paintings I'd bought. I've got more Monet than scents"

"Eastman School of Music Fart Scale circa 1963 (no kidding - I did not make this up) In order of increasing pitch: Fahhrt Fuzz Fitty-Fuzz Poot Tarass Rattler"

"A blind man walks into a bar... ... and a table, and a chair, and a stool."

"My friend used my todo list to roll a blunt He's high on my list of priorities"

"Wearing a pretty new bra today that nobody else is gonna see, so everytime I go to the bathroom, I flash myself in the mirror."

"In life, sometimes it's not good to be very specific. For instance, it's okay to say ""I love kids"" but it's frowned upon to say ""I love 12 year olds."""

"Even if I end up being a civil engineer I won't build tunnels. Because it's boring."