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Joke of the Day

"Went to the store without my iPhone. Felt like I traveled back in time. Saw a dinosaur. Realized I actually traveled back in time."

"Optimist- The glass is half full Pessimist- The glass is half empty Engineer- The glass is twice the size it needs to be. College Student- I can't afford the glass."

"Old age homes suck people are dying to get out of there."

"What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person."

"""I was born in California............ ""I was born in California."" ""Which part?"" ""All of me."""

"No one wants to feel like an obligation. Either commit to them or leave."

"A man is buying an apple, a banana, and two eggs. The female cashier says: ""You must be single."" The man answers: ""Wow, how did you know?"" Cashier: ""Because you're ugly."""

"Hot singles in my area have heard about me and are moving to other areas"

"[to other patients in psychiatrist's waiting room] I'm not like you people. This is court mandated."

"The Panther's defense is so impenetrable... That Trump wants Mexico to pay their salary"