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Joke of the Day
"Why aren't there any jokes about Jim Jones? The punchlines are too long."
Next Joke
"I understand the face situation but you don't have to be ugly on the inside too"
"Evidently that good samaritan bullshit doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car."
"welcome back to guitar 101 everybody. what now, steve? uh, hey. are you gonna make the 'snapped my g-string' joke? no *steve leaves*"
"Did you know that if you take all the people in the world and split them in half you'd be a mass murderer"
"don't let the glasses fool you, I'm an idiot"
"There's a girl on my art course who never does any original work, she copies everything. We call her Tracey."
"Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why were you late? Pupil: Sorry teacher I overslept. Teacher: It's three in the afternoon!"
"*Picking up my kid from school in 20 years* Me: Yo shawty leggo. Kid: Please no. Me: Stop hating YOLO. Kid: You're embarrassing. Me: Swag."
"Someday, I will make a great dad.... I don't have any parenting experience, but I *can* tell terrible jokes."