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Joke of the Day

"You know what the doctor told the midget? You'll have to be a little patient."

"How can people get engaged after dating less than a year? You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker"

"""I'm not sure-"" wife: honey he's a zookeeper if he says these are koalas I trust him-aww look at them! *the raccoons hiss from the dumpster*"

"A really hot girl was checking me out today. Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store."

"Did you know that the average prom... Did you know that the average prom now costs $1,000 dollars. Actually, it costs $2,000 if you count the abortion."

"Why did the sun go to school? To get brighter!"

"The world can be separated into two types of people. Those who listen to all genres of music except country... ...and fucking rednecks"

"I went to the zoo, which is unfortunately closing due to a lack of visitors, and all that was left to see was... the going out of business snail."

"I'm an atheist with a god-complex... ...which explains why all my highschool teachers always said I never believed in myself."

"What did Kobe Bryant's teamates say to him while he was scoring 81 points? ""I'M FUCKING OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"""