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Joke of the Day

"When someone tells me to have a safe flight it's like ok I will do my best but just so you know I am not the pilot of the airplane"

"sorry 4 rant, I heard a guy say ""millennials all do fake social media jobs""& was like buddy ur postgrad data entry gig is done by robots now"

"How many livers do people have? I want to make sure I have a backup before I put this thing on Ebay."

"*Goes back in time to kill the inventors of Twitter. Returns home to amaze friends on Facebook with endless jokes about vodka & pizza.*"

"There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb. Just 2 but makes you wonder how they got inside the bulb"

"Guy exposes himself with a boner and is arrested. How did he get off? It wouldn't stand up in court"

"What is the coldest dish at a Mexican restaurant? a b-r-r-r-r-ito"

"I would like to thank the kind stranger I met on the bus this morning for teaching me the meaning of the word 'abundance'. It means a lot."

"What stopped winter from coming? Winterfell and it can't get up."