198973

Joke of the Day

"My life would be so much easier if it wasn't for that thing...God, what is that thing called...other people."

"Mother: Fred why did you put a slug in your grandma's bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake."

"If liquor stores ask for ID to prove you're old enough to drink, Forever 21 should ask for ID to prove you're young enough for those shorts."

"Why did the man take a pencil to bed ? To draw the curtains !"

"What is mother-approved and child-tested? Coat-Hanger Abortions"

"Did you hear about the corduroy pillow? It's making head lines...."

"You can run, but you can't hide. Unless you're a chameleon with broken legs. Then you can hide, but you can't run..."

"How do you know you are sitting next to a ski instructor? They'll tell you."

"SON: Daddy, I keep hearing noises from my closet. I think a monster's in there. ME: Yeah, why do you think mom and I chose the other room?"

"The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, ""What's water?"" so she wouldn't feel stupid."