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Joke of the Day

"The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, ""What's water?"" so she wouldn't feel stupid."

"Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier... if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!"

"I saw a funny post on 9GAG but then I realized I had already Reddit."

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints"

"I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day."

"My front door was locked so I tried to force it open. Then my wife said ""You're not a Jedi Paul, just use the goddamn key."""

"Broke a mirror today Seven years bad luck, my lawyer says he will get it down to five"

"I'd Like to Make A Pun About Weed, But... I don't want to be blunt about it"

"What did the banker get for Christmas? My 401k"

"You can tell I'm having a tough time writing this teleplay by all the crumpled up laptops overflowing my trash can."