198965

Joke of the Day

"We see you, guy who ""doesn't want any pizza,"" contributes no money, then eats 6 slices when it arrives. We see you, and God sees you."

"What's The Difference Between Snowmen, & Snow Women? Snowballs."

"How to open new toy: 1. Cut tape with machete. 2. Take shot. 3. Undo 23,518 twist ties. 4. Take 3 shots. 5. Watch child play with box."

"I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one."

"My daughter told me to treat her like a princess... so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France."

"When I met you I was completely blown away because the wind was ridiculous."

"What type of Martial Arts does Jesus know? Jiu Jitsu."

"Missed Connections: hey, are you that woman I saw? Any of them? Call me."

"How do you call blue cow? Freak.."

"Marriage is like a hurricane... Starts with a bunch of sucking and blowing, and at the end you lose your house."