19881

Joke of the Day

"If my grandmother was on Twitter, I bet most of her tweets would be about raisins."

"What are you doing? I'm trying to call Washington! Oh haven't you heard? He's dead!"

"R2-D2 was the most vulgar movie character of all time... They bleeped out every word he said!"

"If you think the USA can shoot down nuclear missiles fired by North Korea just remember we couldn't even have lights at the Super Bowl."

"What's 12 inches long and makes women scream at night? Cot death."

"Q. What did Snow white say when her photos didn't come back from the photo store? A. ""Some day my prints will come!"""

"You can't fix stupid but you can divorce it"

"Interviewer: ""What did you like best about your last job?"" Me: ""Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."""

"My wife and I tried anal for the first time... is it supposed to hurt this much? i couldn't sit upright for a while..."

"The part of the Bible I relate to the most is when Jesus makes a scene at the farmers market"