19861

Joke of the Day

"What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day? Pooping"

"What do you call a Quadriplegic in the ocean? Bob. *I'm so sorry*"

"If ""six degrees"" is true, somebody tell somebody to tell somebody to tell somebody to tell somebody to tell Scarlett Johansson I said ""Hi."""

"What do people typically get at Whole Foods? Ripped off."

"New Scientist magazine reports that a team of British engineers in Bristol have developed a car that runs on human shit ...I bet that ""new car smell"" doesn't last very f*cking long."

"I recognize that Rome wasn't built in a day but I'm not trying to build Rome, I just want to to enjoy onion rings without gaining weight."

"Pretty nervous about the guy who dropped out of mechanic school the second they showed us how to cut a brake line."

"I only got one match, but I can make an explosion. And now the government thinks I'm a terrorist."

"Whats the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has pricks on the outside."

"Who makes more money, a prostitute or a crack dealer? The prostitute, because they just wash their crack and sell it again."