1984

Joke of the Day

"[texting] WIFE: need to talk when u get home ME: about what WIFE: too much to text just wait till u get home ME: *never goes home*"

"My friend wrote a philosophical paper about his girlfriends vagina. It was pretty deep"

"What is Hitler's favorite drink? concentrated jews"

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection The judge says, ""First offender?"" The woman replies, ""No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."""

"There was a Spanish magician who said he could disappear. He said he would disappear on the count of 3. He said ""Unos... Dos..."" **POOF** And then he disappeared without a tres."

"I heard my roommate jacking off once It wouldn't have been so awkward if he hadn't been standing right behind me."

"I heard this song by the Righteous Brothers I cant remember what its called, but it was off the chain"

"Wanna know my secret to rock hard abs? I ride the mechanical duck outside the grocery store 300 times a day."

"In 2003 an Olive Garden waitress told me to tell her when to stop grating cheese on my salad. As far as I know she's still doing it."

"Why do people make fun of me because I've never grabbed a girl's boobs? I still don't get tit."