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Joke of the Day

"I heard my roommate jacking off once It wouldn't have been so awkward if he hadn't been standing right behind me."

"I recently learned that anecdotal evidence is not scientifically valid A few friends told me how badly it went for them."

"""You know what this sexist comment needs? Acoustic guitar."" -country music"

"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven raped Snow White."

"I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've tripping all day."

"Gave this artichoke the heimlich maneuver and now he's artiokay."

"My wallet just went through the wash. I guess you could say I've been laundering money."

"How many teenage mutant ninja turtules does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five. It's a huge problem."

"What do you call a gathering of otolaryngologists? An ENTmoot."

"A hot babe said we could have sex if monkeys fly out of her ass, so tonight I meet with a zoologist, proctologist and some guy from NASA."