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Joke of the Day

"What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast? Well, I had toast. EDIT: me and /u/Nekovivie weren't expecting you to know. cuz^you^have^a^small^dick"

"I have the Anne Hathaway ""It came true!"" reaction whenever the guy at Subway hands me my sandwich."

"do you like icecream? then maybe you should marry it"

"Where do people have the curliest and blackest hair? In Africa."

"What did the pink panther say as he skipped down the sidewalk? Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead annnnnt, deaaad ant."

"What do you call an aardvark astronaut? A starredvark!"

"That one day of fame on Facebook when it is your birthday."

"I know a guy who refuses to use anything except paper money. But he says he's trying to change."

"The comeback, 'Get on my level' 'Get on my level' Reply: 'Okay dude, ill go downwards'"

"I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can't any more. My phone battery just doesn't have the stamina any more."