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Joke of the Day

"What is it called when the Queen farts? a noble gas!"

"What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!"

"[Gets on one knee] Margaret- [Pulls out ring] Will you- will you please hide this, Gollum won't stop following me."

"good morning class *farts* today we'll *farts* be learning *farts* abou *farts* oh god *farts* call an ambula *farts* it hurts so much *fa"

"""I'm sorry Mickey, I can't file divorce just because you think Minnie's silly."" ""Your honor, I don't think you understand. She's *fucking* Goofy!"""

"A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass.......... The doctor described his condition as stable."

"2 Smurfs stand over a body... ""What happened?"" ""Choked on a sandwich."" ""Nobody helped?"" ""No."" ""Didn't they see him turning bl-"" ""..."" ""Oh."""

"The Zika virus can now be transmitted sexually. Luckily, most of you have nothing to worry about."

"You mean ""apps"" isn't short for ""appetizers""? Why did I buy this smart phone if it can't download nachos?"

"What does the hungry monster get after he's eaten too much ice cream? More ice cream!"