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Joke of the Day

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? THATS NOT FUNNY!"

"What happens to criminal photons? They get put in prism!"

"Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?"

"Where do wind gusts go to on dates? -To Chicago"

"How do you get an elephant into a Safeway shopping cart? You take the 'S' out of Safe, and the 'F' out of Way."

"What's the song that coldplay wrote for you? Yellow. *Phil answers phone*"

"I asked a friend of mine from New Zealand how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but he fell asleep."

"What do you call a Jew with heartburn? An acidic Jew."

"I wish I could trade my heart for another liver, so I could drink more and care less."

"Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an ""I"" Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an ""I"". Always put 'am' after an ""I"". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."