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Joke of the Day
"2 peanuts walk into a bar... One was a salted"
Next Joke
"Darth Vader: ""Listen Luke, this is a new arrangement for both of us. Let's not force things. Just let me know if you need a hand."""
"When I was 15 I was raising a Tamogochi, not a baby."
"I woke up hungover but couldn't make myself throw up. So I guess I have a lotta shit to deal with today."
"If Indiana Jones was a new-born Christian what would he change his job title to? Arkeologist."
"What do you call a dead guy hanging on your wall? Art."
"This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children. I'll never forget that game of cards..."
"What's the difference between fishing and dating? In one you don't want to jerk the hook, but in the other you don't want to hook the jerk."
"I wish i could Google anything. I'd type: ""where da fuck iz my phone?"" and it'd be like: ""in da fridge dumbass."""
"During sex it's perfectly fine to say ""yeah"", ""yes"", and ""oh yes"" but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming ""yep"""