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Joke of the Day

"This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children. I'll never forget that game of cards..."

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"The body is 70% water.. So cool, you're not fat you're just flooded.."
"Why can't Trump be compared to vegetables in jokes? Because even artichokes have a heart."
"When I Die When I die, I want my last words to be ""I left a million dollars under the..."""
"What do all 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys receive before leaving the factory? Two test tickles."
"Why do indegionous people dislike snow? Because it's white and settles on their land."
"I don't draw my eyebrows on because I can't commit to one facial expression. What if I see a puppy? What if my house burns down?"
"ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts* WIFE: see what I mean? THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: ""she's nuts. This guy rules*"
"Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on? Pupil: No Miss the dress you're wearing looks fine."
"Which kitchen appliance tells the best jokes? The beater - he cracks everybody up!"