197775

Joke of the Day

"I hate how sometimes I let my guard down and then all my inmates get away."

"I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom... Then I discovered twitter."

"Whats the greediest nut? a cashjew"

"Marriage is like a seesaw. It's not fun if one of them is fat."

"He said he wanted to ""put more than just words in my mouth"" and I was like ""I hope you mean hamburgers."""

"How to bargain with your wife Me: Can I get a motorcycle? Wife: No. Me: Can. I get a boat? Wife: NO! Me: Can I get a blowjob? Wife: (sighs) Is it a BIG boat?"

"I usually close my eyes when I kiss girls. Not as much pepper spray gets in that way."

"ME: I need help losing weight. I've tried everything. NARRATOR: He hadn't tried anything at all. Nothing."

"What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Stop going in circles and get to the point."

"I have a Taiwanese friend who is is incredibly rude and bossy He has a strong Taipei personality"