197731

Joke of the Day

"(Someone finally shuts off a car alarm) Philip Glass: (sticks head out of apartment window above) HEY I WAS LISTENING TO THAT"

"Doctor, doctor, what can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar... I find that very hard to believe!"

"Women call me The Gold Medal I always finish first."

"As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves. After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes."

"What do Australians use for sun burns? Aloe, mate. I'm sorry"

"What has six legs and goes ""Hodeedo, hodeedo?"" Three black guys about to miss the elevator"

"I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up."

"Based on the amount of animal hair, clinging to your t-shirt, I'm going to pass on your homemade cookies, thank you."

"It's raining I'm pouring. Chick at the bar is whoring. We went to bed, she gave me head. Who says conventions are boring?"

"How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't change it. They just watch it burn out, then follow it around for another 15 years."