190107

Joke of the Day

"My dad said ""Do your chemistry homework, okay?"" Potassium"

"Going to a bar within walking distance of my house reduces the likelihood that I will wake up partially clothed behind a dumpster tomorrow."

"Here's a pie chart on procrastination."

"What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal."

"The most important thing about telling a joke is timing"

"[DOG MAGICIAN] think of a color, any color...is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my GOD"

"[5:30AM] BRAIN: I'll just go to the bathroom, but keep my eyes closed so I don't wake up. BODY: I'll just clip my head on the door frame."

"I found out today why my father never came home from the store.. The store had a no-return policy"

"What's beef jerky? Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's."

"Wanna hear a joke?? Womens rights!! Even better? They believe it!!"