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Joke of the Day

"My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure. So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die."

Next Joke
 
"The wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof."
"Today is Short Girl Appreciation Day... (NSFW) and I don't get it. I appreciate short girls every day; sometimes twice!"
"Who was the best boxer of all time? Jim Jones. He knocked out 909 people with one punch."
"I totally understand how batteries feel Because I'm rarely ever included in things either."
"What do Spiderman and I have in common? We're both in love with Mary Jane"
"What are the differences and similarities of flint michigan and the walking dead universe? They are both post apocalyptic but only one produces brand new cars."
"Anyone want to do the laundry for me? Im exhausted. I can pay you in beanie babies or hot monkey sex. The monkey's name is Earl. He bites."
"It was obvious from the camera angle it was AMC killing it's viewers. #TWDfinale"
"Why was Betty Boop never attracted to Mickey Mouse? She's only attracted to colored guys."