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Joke of the Day

"I wish 'You idiot.' was an appropriate way to end a work email."

"Home Depot is having their ""ultimate tool event"" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler."

"A man has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness... Man: ""So Doc, how long have I got to live?"" Doctor: ""Seven..."" Man: ""Seven? Seven what? Years? Months?"" Doctor: ""Six... Five..."""

"I'm socially constipated... I haven't given a shit in years"

"Why is Islam so unethical towards its employees Ironically, it's all about prophets"

"I wish I hadn't spoken French to my cat. Now he thinks he's the king of Iran."

"Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo."

"Why is Facebook such a hit? It works on the principle that People are more interested in others life than their own'."

"Me: Are you still wearing pajamas? Go change. 4yo: *Goes upstairs *Comes down wearing different pair of pajamas"

"Asked my 3yo what she was thinking and she said ""I wouldn't want to work at McDonald's bc you have to poop in the food before you serve it."""