196955

Joke of the Day

"Hi, you're through to the Incontinence Hotline... Can you hold please?"

"Why did Jesus curse the fig tree? [God hates figs.](http://www.wikiwand.com/en/Cursing_the_fig_tree)"

"Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him? Yer a Blizzard, Harry."

"[fans out the deck] Pick a card, any card.. Memorize it.. [hits you in the face with a shovel] KING OF SPADES! [walks off]"

"I've already had 3 people ask if I have enough wine to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation."

"Make your own bacon by tricking a pig into running headlong through a harp."

"Gary Busey speaks in Wingdings font."

"I just want to be rich enough where I snap my fingers and 7 people fight over who gets to make me my next grilled cheese."

"Havent picked sides in Gamer gate yet.. which do I like more.. the entire female gender or the thing where I pretend to kill people on Tv.."

"Where do you guys stand on the cheese debate? I'm staunchly pro-volone."