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Joke of the Day

"I just want to be rich enough where I snap my fingers and 7 people fight over who gets to make me my next grilled cheese."

"If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together."

"I've been calling my husband ""babe"" for five years because I'm too embarrassed to tell him I forgot his name."

"What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out."

"How does it feel to be a famous rock-and-roll musician? Fan-fucking-tastic!"

"One of my dad's favorites about flying ""You know there are more planes at the bottom of the ocean than submarines in the sky. They have never left one up there."""

"I'm sorry I showed you snaps from my colonoscopy after you made me look at your ultrasound. I thought we were sharing pics of our innards."

"What do I call my dick? Steve Harvey because it's rising right now"

"Give a man a baby, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to baby, and i think this saying only works for fish actually."

"Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on? Pupil: No Miss the dress you're wearing looks fine."