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Joke of the Day

"Society: ""Just be yourself."" Society: ""No not like that."""

"[Fear Factor] HOST: and the first contestant to touch the puppy in front of them will be sent home *camera pans to me already holding puppy*"

"What's the best part about bangin' twenty six year olds? You get to meet Jared Fogel."

"One day I'll make a cure for blindness. You'll see, you'll ALL see!"

"What do iPhone 7 and the lastest trailer Pirates of the Carribean 5 have in common? They have no Jack."

"Why does Brendon Rodgers hate Twitter? It only allows 140 characters"

"What's worse then ants in your pants? Uncles."

"Everyone has been in the Navy at least once. We all started out as a seaman"

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank coffee before it was cool"

"Interviewer: I heard you were extremly quick at Math... Me: ""yes, as a matter of fact I am"" Interviewer: ""Whats 14x27"" Me: ""49"" Interviewer: ""that's not even close"" me: ""yeah, but it was fast"""