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Joke of the Day

"[holding an acorn] ""do you still love me?"" Wife yells outside- ""that's not even the same squirrel as yesterday!"" ""Shaddup you!"""

"Chuck Norris doesn't get hangovers. He just gets pissed."

"What did Kurt Kobain have such a terrible time in 7th grade? He was having a mid-life crisis."

"Who does Hitler call when his dog is sick? A Veteran Aryan"

"Q: Why did the blonde keep a empty carton of milk in the fridge? A: In case she wanted black coffee."

"The Joys of Horse-riding by Jim Kama"

"I do not delete bad tweets that get no stars... I let them sit there and think about what they've done..."

"Don't give a man a fish. Teach a man to fish. Then sue that man for fishing on your property."

"Facebook weather: We are expecting 2 to 3 feet of drama this evening with bullsh1t blowing in from all directions!"

"A roofer is working on a house and makes a mistake and falls through the ceiling and into the house. One of the guys inside says, ""nice of you to drop in."""