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Joke of the Day

"My Uncle Bill was a terrible door to door salesman. He never once was able to get one door to buy another."

"Have you heard about the new restaurant on Mars? The atmosphere was ok, but the place looked a bit rusty."

"No one who heard me talking to my dog would assume that English is my first language."

"Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more."

"When is a bicycle not a bicycle? When it turns into a driveway."

"Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code."

"I'm the type of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning, just to finish a dream."

"if running over deer had taught me anything... It's that if somethings horny, plow it on the hood of your car"

"You can use your cat as a towel. There's no specific laws against it."

"If the automated voice tells me they're experiencing ""higher than normal call volume"" every time I call, that is the normal call volume."