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Joke of the Day

"No one who heard me talking to my dog would assume that English is my first language."

"Fun Game: 1. Be a couple without kids. 2. Hire a babysitter. 3. When they show up and ask where the kid is, scream, ""You lost it already?!?"""

"Jokes about German sausage are the wurst"

"Freeze a regular Snickers bar for the satisfying CRUNCH of all your front teeth breaking at once."

"In other news.... We now have the most attractive First Lady since Marilyn Monroe."

"Apparently 98% of black people enjoy sex in the shower The rest 2% have never been to prison."

"Where did the pregnant T-Rex go for a check-up? The dinocologist"

"Babies are really expensive, which is why all the ones in Babies R Us don't have price tags."

"I went through Walmart's self-checkout the other day And damn, the cashier was sexy."

"Even if I had a refrigerator with glass doors; I would still stand there with the door open."