196519

Joke of the Day

"At Christmas, it's important to pause and remember all those who have wronged you this year and how you can wreak vengeance on them in 2017"

"What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

"I've been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information."

"Just went to Walgreens & they're a bunch of liars. Their walls were more of a beige color. I'm suing."

"Why do firemen have bigger balls than policemen? Because they sell more tickets!"

"What did one condom say to the other at a gay bar? Let's get shitfaced!"

"I don't like to go to funerals I'm just not a mourning person."

"""That wasn't chicken in the Chow Mein"" I'd make a great Fortune Cookie writer."

"What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottsman? The Rolling Stones say ""Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"" And a Scottsman says ""Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"""

"Damn girl, you remind me of my mother! /* indistinguishable sobs *"