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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, you remind me of my mother! /* indistinguishable sobs *"

"So this girl asked me what I look for in women I told her, ""3 holes and a heart beat"""

"How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest? You tell him... ""that's definitely a win sir"". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose. :/"

"I recently told my girlfriend about removing the cookies and site data because it slows down the browser speed... Now she understands why I delete the browsing history everyday."

"The war on Christmas? Yeah, I started it. But in my defense, maybe Santa warns a person before his home invasion and I don't take him out."

"Did you hear the one about the deaf man? Neither did he."

"Customer spelling her name: Me: Is that V as in Victor or Z as in Zebra? Her: Z as in Xylophone. And this, kids, is why education is key."

"I used to buy second hand ballet equipment from ebay I still do but I used tutu."

"A masochist and a sadist are doing their thing... The masochist says: ""Hit me"" and the sadist answers: ""no..."""

"*unexpected snow fall* Americans: ""It's the end. The apocalypse is here!"" Canadians: ""Huh...I might need a jacket"""