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Joke of the Day

"I've been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information."

"*puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes... time to text some girls the word 'hey' and only the word 'hey'"

"Im so fucked up i wrote 3 tweets into my phone and texted them to the Hurricane Katrina fund."

"Lawrence starts cooking Lawrence checks Twitter Lawrence smells smoke Lawrence Fishburne"

"I'm married, yet the only person that willingly goes down on their knees in front of my crotch is a 72 year old suit tailor named Pablo."

"* Dalai Lama goes on killing spree after listening to my coworker eat soup *"

"BMW What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside."

"Much like the giant panda and the snow leopard, the 20-something white girl without a wrist tattoo is now an endangered species."

"I Like My Coffe Like I Like My Slaves Free"

"Great wine is like great jazz... It confuses me and I'm pretty sure it's all the same. EDIT: Front page? Hot damn! Now what do I do with my life?"