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Joke of the Day

"Rape jokes aren't funny. Ask a rape victim if they think rape jokes are funny. They'll say no. Not like that ever did them any good though."

"*montage of me teaching a penguin to do everything my son Brian can do* Wife: Where's Brian? Me: [studying her closely] He's... right here?"

"What is a cannibal's favorite soup Sign language soup"

"Guys, if your lady tells you she needs windshield wiper blades, SHE DOES NOT MEAN FOR CHRISTMAS!"

"How much does a dead battery cost? It's free of charge"

"Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code."

"What did ""Nock"" say to ""K""? You can join us, as long as you stay quiet."

"What did the pirate say with the steering wheel in his pants? Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!"

"A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich... After finishing his meal, he tries to pull out a gun, but the owner shoots him dead because he's seen this joke on /r/jokes a hundred times."

"What is the official ice cream flavor of the Academy Awards? Vanilla, because it's all white."