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Joke of the Day

"I casually mentioned to my cat that I've petted many animals in my time, and she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ""How many?"""

"Alton towers changed its name! To leg - go land"

"did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from prison? he is a small medium, at large"

"""zombies aren't real zombies aren't real zombies aren't real zombies aren't real"" - me, walking my dog at night"

"Wait. What? You need two people for sex? What does the other one do?"

"My Girlfriend is Like the square root of -100 A perfect ten, but completely imaginary."

"Meeting my friend's new kid is always awkward. I mean, do I let them smell my hand before I pet it or just go right in?"

"Math joke: Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 is Dec 25"

"If I ever became invisible, I'd kick fuck out of a mime Imagine the round of applause he'd get"

"What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl? One shoots and shoots but can't hit, and the other..."