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Joke of the Day

"my mom walked in when I was printing out a naked picture of a woman in 5th grade& we sat there in silence listening to the loud, 90s printer"

"Once upon a time, there was a Mexican family... that had only Juan kid."

"*at a pizza buffet in the Midwest* Me: excuse me, can you please make a vegetarian pizza? Him: Sure! What kind of meat do you want on that?"

"[pearly gates] st peter: welcome everybody- *i run up and slam dunk an imaginary ball thru his halo and then hang on it like it's the rim*"

"I like my women like I like my coffee Warm and a joy to wake up to in the morning : )"

"My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him."

"I fucked this bitch the other night... The next day, she was starting to get overly attached and needy, so I asked my buddy for some advice. He said, ""Yeah man, golden retrievers can be like that."""

"What do you call someone who studied from the greatest teachers in the country, met the greatest scientists, academicians, friends in the country? Donald Trump"

"Did you read the novel about the US drug epidemic? The heroin gets abused."

"Advises all the young people, ""Do not grow up; it's a trap!!"""