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Joke of the Day

"Being elected President wouldn't give me the level of self-satisfaction I have after a car speeds by me & I end up next to it at a red light"

"My niece was the victim of demonic possession FOR THE SECOND TIME. She was repossessed."

"Did you hear about the kid that became a paraplegic? He had to roll with it..."

"What kind of fish is the worst friend? The Sel-Fish"

"*wife stares at me* *I stare at her* *she frowns* *I smile* ""You didn't notice my new-"" ""NICE HAIRCUT AND GLASSES."" ""Dress."""

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Aids."

"Who is Pitbull's favorite nascar driver? Dale Earnhardt jr."

"I'm thinking about getting a dog from Asia. Instead of eating your homework, they actually do it for you."

"Photons don't even matter."

"<------Flair My penis is, -Yoda"