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Joke of the Day

"Being elected President wouldn't give me the level of self-satisfaction I have after a car speeds by me & I end up next to it at a red light"

"What did the baker say after he found the dough he had lost? That's just what I kneaded!"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked the problem out with a pencil."

"Call me a stun gun Because I'm going to shock you with a bad joke."

"How excited are you, on a scale from 1 to white woman who just found out that this dinner party has sangria?"

"A great sun/boob analogy Boobs are like the sun. They keep you warm and make you happy, but stare directly at it and you are in trouble."

"I'm writing a song about milking a cow. It's all quarter notes."

"What do you call a python with a great bedside manner ? A snake charmer !"

"No matter what has happened. No matter what you've done. No matter what you will do. I will always love you. I swear it."

"What's the difference between a dead prostitute and a dead German midget? A tiny pair of lederhosen on your basement floor."