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Joke of the Day

"*lowers head *breaks thru 5 tackles *hurdles lineman *runs 100 yards *hamstrung at goal line *dragged back to line of scrimmage -my wedding"

"Did you know? Call of duty has been released in Iraq and Afgahnistan as ""The Sims."""

"You know I'm glad there are women in the world... Otherwise life would be a pain in the ass."

"I cheated in the annual rabbit racing contest..... I won by a hare"

"""Hands up, don't shoot!"" cried the protester ""Take what you want, just don't kill me"" whimpered the store manager, dropping his gun and ending the terse standoff."

"What do you get when you cross a snake with a plane? A boeing constrictor"

"When someone pushes the ""2"" button in an elevator it should automatically announce their weight."

"FUN PRANK: when a stranger hands you their phone to take a picture of their family, take a selfie instead and also steal their phone"

"What do you call italian food that is bad? A pizza shit"

"What do a flat-earther, a Nazi, and YOU have in common? They all get one vote."