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Joke of the Day

"""Hands up, don't shoot!"" cried the protester ""Take what you want, just don't kill me"" whimpered the store manager, dropping his gun and ending the terse standoff."

"What did the car dealer ask the oscilloscope? sin or cosine?"

"Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster."

"LION: Lions don't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. SHEEP: Shaun thinks your mane looks ridiculous. LION: *upset* Shaun said that?"

"Wife: ""Did you know that some idiot paid $96,000 for Princess Leia's gold bikini?"" Me: [nervously tightening my robe] ""Who would do that?"""

"that's disgusting (unless you're up for it?)"

"Are you Russian? Cause I'll be Putin my dick in your mouth tonight. (Don't use as a pick up line doesn't work)"

"The Bra Joke A bra walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The barman says ""I can't serve you, you're off your tits"""

"The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy a computer don't plug it in. 3) If you do plug it in sell it and return to step 1."

"* see weird traffic pattern * turns down radio * smoothly avoids gargantuan pothole * runs over sign saying avoid gargantuan pothole"