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Joke of the Day

"Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets"

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"Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: last warning, you have a week to get the money together."
"I hear Donald Trump wants every welfare recipient to take a drug test... I don't even what to know what he's planning to do with all those urine samples."
"When my dogs crawl into bed with me, I like to pretend it's because they love me and not because I am sleeping in their dog bed on the floor"
"whats the worst thing about being a black jew? you have to stand in the back of the gas chamber."
"What did the Chemist have with his Eggs? Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen."
"Who is the most famous French ant ? Napoleant !"
"Why did the sick bird come in jail? Because it was an ill-eagle."
"Did you hear about the Vatican's new navy? It's the latest in Christian warship."
"Lawyers have feelings too.. ...allegedly."