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Joke of the Day

"If you have a pet parrot and don't teach it to say ""Help they've turned me into a parrot"", you're wasting everyone's time."

"Policeman: Why did you crash into that stop sign? Motorist: I was only following orders."

"Every Olympic event should include one average person competing for reference."

"Cooking is like Sex Sometimes it's Hot and Fast! Other times it's Slow and Sexy .. I can't cook"

"Doctor Doctor with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep. Try lying on the edge of your bed...you'll soon drop off!"

"When I ask someone out and they say no I get uncomfortable and just start clapping and saying ""Good answer"" like people on Family Feud."

"So, a bird flies in front of a pitcher and gets hit by a baseball. What do the umpires rule it? Fowl ball"

"Snake walks into a bar... Bartender says ""How'd you do that?"""

"Katy Perry says that god spoke to her before the Super Bowl and said ""you got this,"" so it's safe to say that god has crappy taste in music."

"I saw a turtle during a thunderstorm You could say he was shellshocked"