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Joke of the Day

"You know at first, I didn't like the mold I found on my skin. But then it started to grow on me."

"Why do most blind folks not skydive? The sound of the dog screaming at 8000 feet gets to you after a while."

"The other day my buddy asked me if I wanted a warm Budweiser I replied, "" No its fine, I brought my own piss, ill just drink that. """

"They should name American Pharoah's first offspring ""Regression to the Mean"" Because, you know, statistics."

"Why is the new Star Wars film called Rogue One? Because it's a rogue film - a Star Wars prequel that won't be complete shit."

"When I was a kid, we didn't have the internet. We had to go to the library to masturbate."

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me while he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it."

"Why were all the oompa loompas black in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory? Because Orange is the New Black."

"When do you kick a midget in the balls? When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice"

"Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off of a boat? If they fell forwards they would still be in the boat"