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Joke of the Day

"Next time you're on the phone and a customer service rep asks ""Is there anything else I can do for you?"" whisper ""Smile for the camera, I'm watching you"" & hang up."

"*family meeting at Noah's house* who wants us to do what by when?"

"Things presently more popular than Congress: - shingles - those annoying stickers they put on apples - tofurkey - bone fractures - road ham"

"I used to have sex daily... then I ran out of money"

"Marriage is like coffee. First it's really hot. Then it's just right. Then it helps you to get off your ass and do things."

"I am going bananas. That's what I say to my bananas before I leave in the morning."

"So confused right now, don't know whether to join a gym or buy Photoshop."

"I literally use figuratively in literally every occasion where I am literally speaking figuratively."

"Straight Outta Compton Spoiler Eazy-E dies"

"Have you guys seen the new Ray Rice's jersey It's a wife beater"